Your Stories

Don't let it beat you

ANDY

One March morning in 1996 while taking my newly restored Kawasaki Z1R for a quick spin, just before the start of my noon shift, my whole life changed. Well let's just say I never did make that shift until 15 months later. When on my way home that Sunday morning I went round a small sweeping bend and straight into the side of a Rover, the lady driver had obviously decided to put pain to my enjoyment and block my path (no I wasn't speeding). I subsequently went straight over the handlebars, bounced off the roof and landed some 20-30 yards away.

I came to about four days later after spending three days in the high dependency ward (high on Morphine more like) and then a further two weeks enjoying the hospitals hospitality. My injuries were as follows, broken left shoulder, broken right wrist (pinned & plated) two broken ribs, punctured lung, fluid on the lung, ruptured spleen (but kept it) fractured knee cap stretched tendons and ligaments (posterior & anterior) all on my right leg. Last but by no means least was the Brachial Plexus injury to my left arm, this resulted in me having no feeling or movement in the arm. 

From day one the Doctors told my family that I would never use my arm again, they in turn broke the news to me when I finally came round in the hospital. I knew something was wrong though because when trying to sit up in bed, it was that difficult as the weight of my dead arm was stopping me. Then came the collar and cuff, this was literally a pain in the neck they didn't last long, hot in summer and really uncomfortable I've lost count over the four years how many I used and different types I tried before my arm was amputated. The reason for the collar and cuff was that if I let my arm hang by my side it went a horrible grey blue colour and also quite cold. Apparently the blood would just pool in the arm, as the nerves were not there to return the blood back around my system. 

There were more problems ahead such as insomnia, having depression, being very aggressive and generally putting my wife and children through hell. It's as if you don't care, and you lose all interest in anybody or anything. Well that is apart from yourself wallowing in self-pity, why me, what have I done, and very close to well you know what I mean if you've been there. I may have got compensation, which took five years, but it is not enough, and who compensates my family for what they have had to put up with, because they all go through it as well. 

I could put up with my leg in a cast and my wrist in a cast and even the humiliation of my wife wiping my backside when I went toilet, but the PAIN from the Brachial Plexus was horrendous. The only way to explain the pain would be having my hand tightened in a vice while having it scalded with boiling hot water. While you're having this pain it's as if you lose all control and just grit your teeth head down on chest and focus on trying to beat it. The pain comes on so quickly it really does hurt and nothing seems to stop it. When I was first getting pain it had me in tears many a time, it was just that intense and aggressive, nothing seems to work, all the tablets seem to do is just dull the pain. You can tell when the pains coming and if you didn't take them quick enough, forget it because no matter how many more tablets you take it doesn't help, it just makes it feel worse. So you go to the Doctors and ask for better tablets, then come the problems with the painkillers such as bowel problems, sweating, and nervousness and being irritable. I then tried for the pain the Tens machine, quarterzone injections and just lately alternative medicine. 

Well, I was 31 when I had my accident and the pain at first was every day, and now at 38 it has eased to a few times a month but still catches me out now and again. It is also at times just as painful as when it first started, but does it get easier - or do you just get used to it? I went in for a nerve graft in 1998 where they take a nerve out the back of your leg and transplant it into the damaged region of the Brachial Plexus. I did get a tiny bit of movement back but nothing really significant apart from some whopping scars as if I needed any more, I was already looking like a road map of Great Britain. Then came my decision to have an above elbow amputation in March 2000, I was really fed up at this stage and just wanted to get it sorted once and for all. I felt as if I was in limbo not going forward just staying the same and just looking after this slab of meat on my side that in some cases was more of a hindrance and a liability. 

For me it wasn't really a big decision, I think I had already decided this a few years ago, but we live in hope and how long do you wait until technology advances enough to help. It was such a relief having my arm amputated though, It felt as if I was finally free and now able to get on and cope with being one armed. The change was almost instant I was happier, a lot more positive, I've even considered trying to get back on a bike again so watch this space - who knows, with the help of NABD I just may achieve it too.

I put pen to paper because I've been inspired by all the letters on this site and I think people should know that you do get over it in time and move forward. Hey it is a long road and the pain still continues, but don't let it beat you because a lot of people are relying and depending on you even if you don't know it. 

Be positive for them.

Andrew Holmes